“As I breathe, I’m just crying and crying and crying, and I wish I did. I really do,” an emotional Kim admitted in a confessional after finishing a screaming train designed to help the cast loosen up. “I’m a f**king lost cause.”
Kim Zolciak‘s real-life drama takes center stage on MTV’s Surreal Life: Village of Secrets and Techniques.
At the premiere of the present on Tuesday, Zolciak broke down amid her very public divorce from her husband, Kroy Biermanntelling her castmates that she has been a “lost cause.”
“As I breathe, I’m just crying and crying and crying, and I wish I did. I really do,” an emotional Kim admitted in a confessional after finishing a screaming workout designed to help the cast loosen up.
“I’m a f*cking lost cause,” she added, venting to her star-studded cast of housemates, which includes Josie Canseco, OT Genasis, Tyler Posey, Johnny Weir, Chet Hanks, Macy Grey and Ally Brooke.
The train helped the former Bravo reality star realize she was missing the help she needed during this difficult time.
“I stand up for everyone else,” Kim, who shares children with Kroy: Brielle, 27, Ariana, 22, KJ, 13, Kash, 11, and 10-year-old twins Kaia and Kane, noted, “and I don’t really feel like anyone is really standing up for me, from my parents to my husband.”
Later, in a confessional, the 46-year-old mentioned that she was surprised that she was able to let loose and share her true emotions.
“I don’t know how to let go,” The Real Housewives of Atlanta alum mentioned, “After that particularly being so sensitive in front of seven, I mean strangers, but I actually feel safer with them than if I were to do that with Kroy. That’s sad.”
Elaborating further along with her castmates, Kim added: “The truth that I can let loose here and feel safe here, not even at home, is just crazy. You know, I’ve been a mom since I was 18, so you have to hold your ground.”
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In an interview with TooFab in the digital journey of the present, Kim detailed how her journey in the wake of truth has helped her “refocus” on herself and gain “legibility” in the nearly year since she and Kroy filed for divorce.
“I wanted to get away to get some clarity and focus on myself, get out of this house and just collect myself, so to speak,” Kim shared.
“It wasn’t easy, for sure. It was exhausting being away from my kids, and there were (there were) issues going on that I had to take care of during this whole filming strategy that was demanding in itself, but I used to be able to step away pretty quickly from, you know, conversations with my lawyer, and get right back into it,” she added, referring to the relatively messy back-and-forth that included the 2 calling the police over each other in a couple of events, legal and monetary fights, along with a series of lawsuits resulting from alleged unpaid credit card payments and a battle with the bank to stop them from foreclosing on his Georgia mansion. “These guys made it so simple for me, it was almost like a big party there. It was just so much fun. It was an amazing, good, good break for me.”
Kim also mentioned that the show allowed her to show a “totally different aspect” of herself that others don’t normally see.
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“Just being with my family is wonderful, but I’m a mom and I’m here as a mom, and there’s a whole other side of Kim that people don’t get to see,” Kim explained. “No one really knows what’s going on behind the scenes here in this divorce.”
And while last week, TMZ reported that Kim and Kroy have set a divorce trial date for November, Fulton County Superior Court in Atlanta is requesting that they try to reach an agreement through mediation beforehand.
She continued: “I’ve been quiet throughout this whole process deliberately, so this was my chance to just breathe, to reconnect with Kim, so to speak, and then to have seven other incredible people who I really trusted right away, which is completely out of character for me, and who I felt so comfortable with, made this experience — no pun intended — but surreal.”
Surreal Life: Villa of Secrets airs Tuesdays at 9pm ET on MTV.