Chrissy Teigen is being open about her state of mind. On Thursday, the 38-year-old model took to Instagram to share a post that showed her on a log-crossing obstacle course and revealed how the activity made her realize something about herself.
“I did this log crossing a few years ago when I last came here when I was having mental difficulties,” Teigen wrote, perhaps alluding to your pregnancy loss in 2020 of his son, Jack. “It was incredibly difficult at that time. My feet felt like they weighed 1,000 pounds each, my body tensed up to the point where I felt like I was in a car accident after falling.”
“I managed to cross then, after about 40 long minutes. And I’m not even afraid of heights! continued, before sharing why she “was so sure it would be so different” when she tried the course years later.
“Although I still struggle mentally, I thought I could make the pain go away by relaxing my body, breathing, and just taking in and enjoying what I was doing,” she wrote. “But plot twist!! It was just as hard. I bought a little time, but what I love about it is how much it surprises you and how much you learn about yourself.”
Teigen explained that even though her “rational mind knows that it would be totally normal to just fall” because she “would be gently lowered down,” she realized that she is “so scared of falling again in life that it becomes overwhelmingly debilitating both mentally and physically.” That was “a lot” to accept, John Legendthe wife wrote.
“I thought since I’ve seen such dark times since the last time I did this, I wouldn’t be afraid of the damn thing. But I’m still very scared,” Teigen admitted. “Then I realized that now I live my whole life in so much fear. I don’t like much outside of my family, my few friends, television and crafts. .”
“I’m so scared of disappointing you guys and I find myself fighting with myself all day in my brain with things I want to say, things I want to explain, but I’m so scared,” she continued. “I miss so many parts of myself and I hope that one day I can let go of some fear and accept that I will never be perfect for you and that’s okay!!”
Until that day comes, Teigen wrote that she will “continue to work through all of this and try to balance my brain with rational thoughts, and try to be kind to myself, my body and mind.”
Legend expressed his support for his wife in the comments, writing simply, “I love you.”
Since baby Jack’s tragic deathTeigen and Legend welcomed two children into their lives: Esti, 1, and Wren, which will complete 1 year in June. They are also parents of Moon8 and miles, 6.
“Luna and Miles are very competitive with each other, but they love their babies. Teigen told ET of their children last month. “Miles teamed up with Wren and Luna teamed up with Esti and now everything is against us.”
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