After a loud disagreement, a woman asked Reddit’s AITA forum if she went too far by asking her legally blind boyfriend to fork over the money to help park her car.
A girl turned to the Internet for advice after an unexpectedly severe disagreement with her boyfriend.
The story, which has since been deleted from Reddit’s anonymous AITA (“Am I the A-hole”) forum, detailed her legally blind boyfriend’s life and how variations in his needs and future led to the battle.
While OP (aka the “original poster”) worried that she was being self-centered – due to her partner’s inability – readers of the post recognized a pattern that she was apparently unaware of.
Read on to see how it all went down – and all the Redditor theories about what was really going on!
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The authentic AITA post on Reddit
OP gave some information about the current situation in her life and proposed changes that came out of left field, from her perspective. “My boyfriend (29F) (30M) is legally blind and cannot drive. We currently live in a protected and walkable city. A parking space for my car is included in the rent,” she explained. “Each of us takes the bus to work, so I use my car to run some errands. I take us to visit his family and friends who are not accessible by public transportation.”
She then shared that her boyfriend surprised her with his thoughts about wanting to move to a larger city nearby, revealing that he was sad about his current life situation. She then detailed its causes:
- “He wants to be closer to work and the train, which he uses to get around and visit friends. In our current city, he has to take a 15-20 minute bus ride to get to the train, but he needs to live somewhere where he can walk there. He hates the bus. Plus, if we moved to the center of this larger city, we would both walk to work.
- He feels that our current metropolis is boring. He mentioned that there might not be anything to do, and the city center with theater, bars and restaurants is very far away (1 mile).
- He wants a home with amenities such as a dishwasher, air conditioning, and in-unit washer/dryer. It is not always easy to find pieces that have been renovated with all these facilities in our current city because the buildings are older. In the big metropolis, there are many newer buildings.”
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OP then detailed his “reservations” in a similar way:
- “The kingdom he wishes to inhabit should not be protected. I may not be able to take a walk in my own neighborhood. If we have friends in their vehicles, they are vulnerable to break-ins.
- Apartments are expensive. We may want to approach a roommate. I was hoping to break up with the roommates and I will miss our privacy. Even with a roommate, each of us will pay more in rent.
- You almost always pay extra for a parking space. We’re looking at a building where a space costs $175/month.”
“Regardless of my reservations, I agreed,” she wrote, concluding the general context. “He’s the one living with a disability, and just walking to the train means independence for him. If I want to go for a walk or visit my old town, it’s only a 15-minute drive away.”
Instantly, I felt so embarrassed and anxious to ask. I apologized and didn’t even try to defend why I assumed I could be honest.
Ultimately, she got what introduced her to the forum, her request earning her a cold no from her boyfriend, leaving her unsure if she had crossed a line by asking.
“I made the decision that it would be honest to ask my boyfriend to share the price of the parking space with me for the next reasons,” she said, detailing that “they both profit from the fact that I have a car”, she is already “earning compromises what I value in a residential situation to make you more comfortable” and “spending more money to live in a place I like less.”
She said she is only asking “because the amount is directly related to this transfer” and emphasized that she “in no way asked him to contribute to anything related to automobiles” before that.
“I asked him if he would consider contributing to parking,” she shared. “He gave me a cold look and said no. Instantly, I felt so embarrassed and anxious to ask. I apologized and didn’t even try to defend why I assumed I could be honest.”
After a little distance from that cold meeting, however, OP reflected, adding: “I can’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t such a crazy request. I was interested in bringing up the subject again. But before that, did she want to meet “AITA” to make this request?
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Redditors really think a big change like this should be about compromise and communication
For the most part, Redditors don’t think OP is making an unreasonable request, especially in light of everything she’s giving up. They were, however, worried about her moving with her legally blind boyfriend to a more dangerous neighborhood where they would both be weaker.
One commenter noted how she said they could both walk to work, but later said she couldn’t walk in her own neighborhood because it wasn’t safe. “No, it looks like you wouldn’t be able to walk to work,” they concluded.
OP argued that since they would walk to work together most days, she would “feel good” about it. “But I feel much less safe walking alone.” Another commenter argued: “You’re walking with a person you don’t see. Is that better than walking alone in that neighborhood?”
“If it’s not protected for you to walk around there, how is it protected for him?!” requested a Redditor. “He can’t even see what’s coming.”
One blind commenter echoed this sentiment, writing, “To be honest, usually being visibly disabled simply means we are focused.” It inspired the couple to rethink moving to a more dangerous area, especially if it was also more expensive.
It’s a conversation he wants to have like a rational person, without the dying look of ‘how dare you ask me’?
They also questioned the boyfriend wanting to move on, despite OP’s expressed concerns about her personal safety. “I could really rethink moving in with your partner’s disregard for your perspective or thoughts,” one commenter wrote.
A “quick break” for an additional was the fact that they would need to deal with a roommate. While one expressed concern about her blind boyfriend having to live with a new roommate who may not understand how best to accommodate his situation (i.e. not moving things), another questioned making a move she couldn’t afford. on its own. to have.
With all of these things into consideration, most Redditors thought OP was absolutely fantastic about bringing him back in, as long as she could accept that the answer would still be no. “He might as well say no,” wrote one. “And after your dialogue, he may give no other reason than ‘I don’t drive’ and still say no. And technically, he wouldn’t be inappropriate.”
There were also concerns expressed about how he responded to her suggestion in the first place, with one person commenting that it should be “a conversation he wants to have as a rational person, without the ‘how dare you ask me’ dying look?”
“Something about the way he said no and the whole ‘cold stare’ factor doesn’t sit well with me,” another Redditor commented. “The fact that you immediately feel the need to apologize and never argue with him again tells me that this man probably behaves as inferior to you.”
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“A relationship is about commitment,” wrote one commenter, who probably had the most upvotes. “You are making a huge commitment by moving to a different city, paying extra $$, living with a roommate, etc. No one is forcing you to do this – but you may be doing it because you care about your partner and it will make their life easier. However, a relationship involves give and take. Paying half the price for parking seems like a good compromise and, although he cannot to need To do this, it is the appropriate factor to do.
OP chimed in to agree that extra communication might be necessary. “You can have it to a point. We should always talk about this extra. I think I was more accommodating because I felt guilty that he was apparently unhappy living in our current city all the time while I was perfectly content,” she wrote. “But the solution is not to move to a residential situation where he is happy and I am not. My considerations are also vital and we should always try to offer them a greater commitment.”
“Hell, sure, compromises are worth it,” another Redditor commented. “And you really want to add to all the problems with him that you have here. So you two should start building a bucket list and look for an area that can really make you both happy (or at least content).
Another commenter agreed that there is more to debate, adding: “I understand his reasons and it may come down to different preferences, but is he just not concerned about the security, privacy and price aspects of this? These seem vital. What about the fact that you were involved in these issues, did he take this issue into consideration? … I think there can be several answers to this battle and I don’t think you fulfill his wish without taking into account that his concerns are the right ones.
What do you suppose?