After sharing the story, Redditors had a lot to say about the sister, including accusing her of “bullying” and being “self-centered,” “stuck up,” and “crazy.”
A woman turned to the internet for advice after criticizing her older sister for her unusual — and rigid — beliefs about relationships.
The 27-year-old shared her story on Reddit AITA Discussion Forum (“Am I the A–hole”) to see if she was right after telling her sister to “fuck off” after her sister repeatedly called her long-term relationship “bullshit” because it didn’t abide by her personal relationship rules.
The OP (aka “authentic poster”) outlined how her sister’s strict adherence to this made-up rule impacted all of her relationships, before recalling how her older sister’s years of trying to enforce this stance on the OP’s relationship caused her to finally reach her breaking point.
Read on to see what happened and how Redditors reacted.
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The level of breakage
“My older sister Izzie (31f) and I (27f) are very different when it comes to relationships and thinking about relationships,” OP began. “Izzie believes in the whole 4 year rule where if you’ve been with a guy for 4 years and he hasn’t proposed to you, he’ll never do it, he’s not critical of you, and he’s a walking red flag.”
She added that her sister “broke up with her high school boyfriend at 21 because he didn’t suggest it after 5 years together, and she talked about giving him another 12 months since they were both in college. That was the only reason. She said she would always love him and wished they had worked out.”
“She broke up with her next partner after 3.5 years because he showed no signs of wanting to get married, but she broke up with another man just a few months ago because he told her that it’s bullshit and there’s no proper timeline for marriage and kids unless you’re really going for it,” she continued.
She informed me why her 4 month rule is sensible and I lost it. I told her to f–k off immediately and keep her opinions to herself because I don’t want to hear them all the time.
The lady added that her sister “talks about this sh–t non-stop,” explaining, and “she tells people to break up with their significant other because the other one hasn’t proposed.” According to the OP, her sister “truly believes that a relationship is over after 4 years of no proposal.”
OP informed her sister that she doesn’t consider it that way. In fact, she shared that she “has dedicated the good sin of having two children with my long-term partner/boyfriend of 12 years. However, we are not engaged, we live together and live as if we are married in some ways. But neither of us are in a rush to get married.”
She stated that she doesn’t really feel the “should be married” and that he or she is “positive without it” and “cheerful.” However, OP mentioned that Izzie “always calls it BS and she told me I can’t be happy with a man who will get me pregnant but not give me his last name. I told her I don’t need his last name. And did she ever think he might need mine someday.”
“It got worse when we introduced ourselves, I was expecting again,” OP continued. Her second child was born last month, and she says her sister kept “questioning my boyfriend about why he didn’t suggest it, why he was using me, how many baby mamas he actually has.”
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She wrote that her boyfriend “shot off again that our relationship is safer and more joyful than hers had been due to her silly engagement and marriage guidelines. I told her to leave for insulting my boyfriend.”
The OP mentioned that the situation recently got worse and he finally lost control.
“A few days ago I was picking out something from my dad, Izzie was there,” she recalled. “She accused me of being stupid and naive and ruining my life by accepting a relationship he clearly doesn’t need and she told me why her 4-year rule is sensible and I’ve lost it.”
“I told her to f–k off and keep her opinions to herself because I don’t want to hear them all the time,” the girl wrote.
“Izzie mentioned that I shouldn’t be rude and should be more open to what she’s saying as she’s just trying to help me and assist me like sisters are supposed to,” she added. “Then she said I’m just an ungrateful b*tch who doesn’t acknowledge love and help.”
So now the OP is asking: “AITA for telling my sister to f–k off and keeping her opinions to herself?”
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“Presumptuous” and “Determined”
People online rallied around the unnamed poster, with the vast majority of people coming out to side with her, labeling her NTA (“Not the A–hole”). While many Redditors supported the OP, they attacked and criticized her older sister for her views on relationships, and OPs in particular.
“It seems your sister heard this dangerous advice somewhere and when it didn’t work out the second time in her 20s, she started getting determined and jealous of everyone who was still in a relationship,” one consumer wrote in the favorite comment, which has received over 2,000 upvotes. “A little introspection would do her good.”
“There are a number of individuals online (I’ve seen this on two social media platforms) where this same advice/perspective on relationships is shared,” OP responded. “My sister is clearly absorbing all of this. And my sister is more generous than some of them. 2 years and engagement or breakup is the limit for some. To me, it’s stupid to treat all relationships the same way.”
While one consumer mentioned that Izzie was “being nasty” with her “old-fashioned” opinions, she told the OP that her sister “is in fact 100% right, as far as her personal situation goes” and that the OP shouldn’t choose her sister’s “choices over her own needs,” referring to the OP getting involved with her significant other at 15 and not caring about marriage.
Izzy calling OP an ungrateful bitch who doesn’t recognize love and help is hypocritical to say the least.”
This commenter argued that the OP’s sister’s timeframe is “affordable” now, considering she’s 31 and wants to get married and “presumably have a standard family.”
OP argued that her beef with her sister isn’t really about her opinions, as they relate to her personal relationships. “Look, I don’t really care about your beliefs about marriage timelines and stuff like that,” she replied to the Redditor. “Probably not.”
“However, as you mentioned, she’s been nasty about it. She judges me and my relationship based on this, as she does with every relationship she sees,” OP continued. “Despite everything this time around though and finding out that she has regrets based on her 4 year rule factor, I choose as a result of why she can’t just focus on herself instead of me. I never mention it. She does.”
Meanwhile, in another reply to a now-deleted comment, OP shared: “I’m happy, but constantly hearing that I’m f–king up my life by not breaking up with my boyfriend, hearing that I’m being used, that I’m naive and stupid. It’s in the past. It’s annoying. I’m not interested in it. And being nice didn’t stop her, so maybe telling her to f–k off will. That’s the purpose I’ve achieved.”
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One Redditor responded, “lol your sister is a nutcase, expecting younger men to instantly grow up and be ready for marriage. There really is no timeline for marriage. I’m glad to hear it’s coming together for you, but you may need to stay away from your sister while your body readjusts after giving birth.”
Another consumer also criticized the OP’s sister, writing, “How terribly presumptuous to assume that marriage is something every girl aspires to! And how naive. OH and I have been together for over 25 years, we are not married, we have no intention of owning a house together, our dog is at the center of our lives. What could marriage possibly add to that that I could possibly need?”
In another comment, a Redditor accused Izzie of “harassment” and “bullying,” claiming she is being “hypocritical” towards the OP.
“So Izzie’s philosophy is “Don’t be rude, be open to her mindset and sisters help each other” Well, it works both ways,” the consumer wrote. “She doesn’t listen to the OP’s needs. She’s rude by not respecting the OP’s relationship and doesn’t help the OP have a relationship that doesn’t align with her 4 year rule.”
“Izzie can navigate her personal life and relationships, however, she cannot dictate how others choose to live theirs,” they continued. “This is straight up harassment and bullying. Izzy calling OP an ungrateful bitch who doesn’t acknowledge love and help is hypocritical to say the least.”
What do you think?