A Muslim bridesmaid has been accused of “overreacting” after images were shared online by the bride-to-be – sparking online debate and a new post that is “probably not the update some were hoping for”.
Images shared on social media of a girl’s bachelorette party caused drama among her friends.
Dealing with an awkward situation with her future bride, an anonymous girl took to Reddit’s popular AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) discussion forum to ask readers if she was being “irrational” by asking for her images to be removed or cropped for religious reasons.
After sharing her story and getting a considerably confusing response, OP (aka “the sole author of the post”) shared another post on the site — revealing what happened in the days following her initial question.
Bachelorette Party – Image Drama
“First off, I’m a Muslim girl who wears the hijab. I cover my hair and most of my body. I don’t get to dictate who doesn’t, nor do I try to impose my beliefs on others,” OP, a 23-year-old, began her post. “Everyone is allowed to have their own personal journey, and just as I know I’m not perfect, I don’t get to dictate who else is.”
Explaining that she attended the bachelorette party of a friend she’s known since kindergarten named Maya, OP said the party was “all girls, no drinking, just women being women and celebrating a friend’s upcoming wedding.”
“She’s not non-secular, but she accepts my views and will even let me wear a more modest abaya as her maid of honor. This means Maya understands the hijab and what it means to me, or so I assumed,” OP continued.
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The girl mentioned that she decided to take off her hijab at the celebration because there were only women present. While the photos were taken at the time, she said she had no problem with it “since my friends are usually respectful and don’t post them anywhere” and the photos are usually only in the group chat. However, when she got home the next day and checked her phone, she realized that this was not what had happened.
“I opened Instagram to the marked icon and checked to see myself and the women on Maya’s public account. I messaged Maya asking her to take it down before anyone noticed since I couldn’t control whether or not any men would see her post, and she refused saying there were no other good photos of her,” the OP shared.
OP mentioned that she also suggested cropping her out of the photo “and even drawing over my hair and neck,” before being told she was “overreacting.”
“I insisted that it wasn’t and that she knew I couldn’t show my hair to just anyone. Instead of answering me, she took it to the group chat as some sort of ‘advice,'” OP continued, claiming that half of the women agreed that Maya shouldn’t have shared the images of herself, while a few others “warned me that I was overreacting and that no one cared but me.”
“Most of us are asking her to take the post down, and now she’s claiming we’re putting her under too much stress with the wedding only a week away, but I don’t see what that has to do with it,” OP concluded, before asking, “Am I really being unreasonable for wanting to be revered? AITA?”
How Reddit reacted to your story
The OP’s post received an official “Not an Asshole” badge from Reddit voters, with many agreeing that she wasn’t wrong for her demand.
“NO. she is not your friend. if a friend of mine asked me to take a picture with her for ANY purpose, she would be removed from the picture before the day was over,” read the most popular response. “My friends can trust me 100% that I will not put them in situations that make them uncomfortable. However, at this point, you have no control. You can ask her to take the picture, but you cannot control her. Learn from this and never trust her again. You can’t let your guard down around everyone.”
“This seems exactly like the hijab model of tricking someone into consuming something that is not halal/kosher/vegetarian simply to publicly level it after the fact. It’s not just disrespectful, it’s a violation,” another person added.
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Many people also instructed the OP to report the images to Instagram, to see if that would result in a possible removal — while one reader wrote: “I could let her know so she would lose my number and she wouldn’t see me at the wedding ceremony. She violated the OP’s trust.”
However, not everyone was completely on the OP’s side, with many people also commenting that ESH, or “Everyone sucks here.”
“If you knew the pictures were being taken, it’s probably best to have kept them covered, since at that point you give up control over who sees them. I understand that they’re usually in the group chat, but even then, spouses, SOs, and parents might know about them,” reads one comment. “You probably should have said something to the photographer(s) at the time they took the pictures. They probably should have thought about the implications of showing pictures of you with your hair uncovered.”
“By no means allow pictures to be taken that you don’t want other people to see. If you are so religious that you don’t even let people see your hair, then you shouldn’t be in pictures with your hair uncovered,” another learned. “At the same time, if she were a true friend who understands and respects your religious beliefs/practices, she wouldn’t post such pictures.”
After another comment mentioned that “given how much people post the photos they take online these days, it’s a cheap guess to make your friend want to share those photos,” the OP responded, saying that she “trusted these women to see me” and not “anyone who might find their webpage.” She also clarified that she wasn’t in all of the photos, and that most of them were candid, not posed.
As happened with her friend
A few days after her initial post, the OP shared another post in the same Reddit thread — giving a major update on what went down between her and the bride-to-be.
“I had to offer it a few days before updating to let the situation calm down or, who knows, resolve itself. In short, the post was taken down, the wedding is still happening and I’m still friends with her,” OP revealed.
The girl mentioned that it was actually her friend’s fiancé who advised her to take the pictures down.
“He is Christian, but from what I gather his mother wears a veil and he is very understanding of the basics around hijab,” she wrote. “He felt dangerous and I needed to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault and I thanked him for speaking to Maya for me. He asked if this whole scenario would affect our friendship and I told him I wasn’t sure what that meant.”
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Ultimately, Maya reached out and apologized, saying she “didn’t think it was a big deal since her other Muslim friend didn’t wear the hijab and she thought I was just being dramatic.” The OP explained to her that it’s a personal choice, before asking the bride why her initial request to remove the photos wasn’t enough.
“She mentioned that she wasn’t thinking straight and felt like she didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It wasn’t until her fiancé brought it up that she took it down,” she wrote. “She put up the other 4 photos (the ones without me in them) and she realized she was being called names for no reason. She asked me if there was anything she could do to make up for it and I asked her to just keep it up first.”
OP went on to clarify that as a result, the couple have been friends for “almost 20 years,” cutting Maya out of their lives over this — as some have instructed — “could be blown way out of proportion.” She added that she also did not report the images, or “abandon my religion as some of you have instructed.”
“This is probably not the replacement some were hoping for, but at least things are better now and the wedding is going quickly and as planned,” she concluded.
What do you think?
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