The lady scolded her stepdaughter for showing up and trying to leave the children, telling her to “step up” and take care of the children, even after she had made her place very clear.
A girl who was very adamant and clear about her boundaries around children took to the internet to see if she was an idiot after refusing to watch her stepdaughter’s children.
The unnamed girl shared her story on Reddit’s popular AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) discussion board to see if she was too harsh when she scolded her stepdaughter as she tried to drop the kids off at school.
OP (aka “the sole author of the post”) thought she was pretty clear about where she stood on the issue, so she was shocked at how strongly she was being challenged when her stepdaughter instructed her to “step up” and take matters into her own hands.
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The OP didn’t mince words when explaining her personal feelings on the matter, beginning her story with the general statement, “I never wanted kids.”
She went on to clarify: “I used to be forced to watch my younger siblings (4 of them) until I left at 16. I really dislike babysitting and I never had children of my own. I never felt comfortable around children after that.”
This has continued throughout her life and into her current marriage. “My husband has three children,” she explained, “I met and married him when his children were in their 20s. I am not a mother to them in any way, just their father’s wife.” OP said she has always “got along well with all three adults.”
She instructed me that I have to come forward and take care of the children. That she doesn’t care if her father isn’t here, I am present.
As OP put it, “the trouble” began when a stepdaughter-in-law, Kelly, became pregnant. “Everyone was excited about the first child in the house,” she wrote, qualifying, “I made it clear that I didn’t want to babysit and that when the grandchildren were around, my husband would be the primary caregiver. My husband agreed.”
She mentioned that things have been positive for 2 years. “My husband is a superior grandparent and I make sure to be the relative who brings toys and other fun things every now and then,” she wrote. However, that apparently wasn’t enough for Kelly, with OP adding that she “has been trying really hard to get me to take on a more conventional grandparent role.”
OP stated, “Her mother-in-law isn’t concerned (she lives a few states away). Kelly has gotten it into her head that I should be babysitting as a substitute for her father. We’ve talked to her several times.”
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This set the stage for the following incident that brought the OP to Reddit in the first place. It all started when her husband went on a week-long trip, thus canceling their traditional Monday night babysitting. In response to the OP, Kelly chose not to get this memo and showed up anyway.
“I asked her what she was doing since her dad wasn’t here,” OP wrote. “She instructed me that I had to step up and take care of her. That she doesn’t care if her dad isn’t here, I’m there. I told her no.”
“This has been going around and around for a while and has gotten more heated the longer we’ve been at it. I’ve told her I don’t want to watch any kids get fixed, and that includes hers. She’s upset,” OP concluded. “My husband is fine with what I did, but her other kids are on her case.”
Now she needs to know if she’s an asshole and was too harsh: “AITA for telling my stepdaughter that I don’t want to watch any children and that includes yours?”
While her stance is quite direct and could even be seen as harsh, many Redditors applauded OP for being open and straightforward about her boundaries regarding interacting with children. One even asked OP if she had shared her story with her stepdaughter.
“You have already described why “Don’t you want to do it?” they asked. “As I feel for those who do it like you probably did here (mostly ‘I used to be compelled to babysit when I was a kid and ran away from home because of it’) it’s hard to see how anyone could still be upset.”
“Of course it was defined,” OP wrote succinctly, to which another responded, “So there is no excuse for her conduct whatsoever. You said no, you instructed her why, and she still insisted. That’s her problem.”
However, another questioned what the stepdaughter is doing forcing the issue when the OP has made her opinion so clear. “Why would you want to take your kids to someone who doesn’t want to be with them?” they asked. “That’s so weird.”
You’re part of a family. Why do you want to be the depraved grandmother?
However, there were those who tried to inform OP that by marrying someone with children, she became a de facto parent, and then a grandmother. “If you’re married to a grandparent, before the child is even born, you’re a grandmother. She’s just mean,” one commenter wrote. But OP wasn’t having any of it. “You realize that marrying someone with ADULT children doesn’t make you a parent,” she commented.
One commenter, who was the child in an identical scenario, shared her story, writing: “To be honest, I don’t aggressively perceive CF individuals who marry people with children. Even after they grow up, they are still that companionable child. This probably includes grandchildren. Having grown up in a scenario like this, but as the child… it sucks to know that someone who would normally be in a grandparent role doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
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They then certified their claim to the OP, for reassurance. “To be clear, you are not a TA for not being a nanny. SD is terrible for being so aggressive, even when he comes from a very good place,” they wrote. “I just want CF people to consider this first before marrying people with children.”
Another commenter called OP “extremely immature” and wrote, “You are part of a family. Why do you want to be the perverted grandmother? Surely you knew grandchildren were a possibility when you married someone with children. Are you so grumpy that you can’t even spend a single afternoon with your husband’s grandchildren?”
“Depraved?!” OP marveled in a reply. “That’s a powerful description.”
Who just leaves children as if they have a right to a babysitter?
However, the commenter was not reached as they still had plenty of vitriol for their stepdaughter as well, including, “She’s also an idiot for trying to leave her kids with a child hater. I really wouldn’t feel comfortable having my kids around someone like that, and my relationship with my dad would suffer tremendously if he was married to someone who couldn’t stand being around my kids.”
Not to be missed, as this commenter ESH (“Everybody Sucks Right here”) stated, the husband “is also a terrible person if he doesn’t notice or care how this example is putting his wife and daughter at each other’s throats.”
There were plenty of people who welcomed her back, though, with one Redditor saying that as a fellow “childless girl,” she’s so far turned down anyone with kids. She also praised the OP’s husband for “standing by her side though. That’s a sign of a really good partner.”
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Another also noted that the OP clearly said “she brings the toys and does fun things with them with grandpa.” She simply draws attention to the nanny, which “is not the same as a vicious, child-hating grandma.”
“Who just leaves kids like they’re entitled to a babysitter?” asked one Redditor. “‘It’s essential to put in the effort’, um, no. Babysitting is a favor and she’s not entitled to it. Especially when she’s been told no.”
“Absolutely the AUDACITY to just show up and try to evict the kids KNOWING full well you mentioned you wouldn’t do that,” marveled another Redditor. “Unbelievable.”
What do you think?