After being called a jerk by his wife and parents for his response while she was bedridden with a high-risk pregnancy, a man turns to Reddit to see if they’re right — and gets a passionately divided response.
An angry husband turned to the internet for guidance after criticizing his wife, who is bedridden with a high-risk pregnancy, over her requests for his attention.
In a post shared on Reddit’s anonymous AITA (“Am I the A-hole”) forum, OP (aka “authentic poster”) shared how things are going so far in her family, and the special incident that was too much at him – and caused his wife, his parents, and his parents to call him an idiot.
With three votes already against him, he decided to see what others thought, which led to a surprising combination of reactions – and many people being labeled idiots as he passed.
Read on to find out the full story and why it left Reddit so divided!
“So this is the thing, me (30M) and my wife (32F) are expecting our second child, she is at a high risk of being pregnant so she is bedridden, she has been bedridden for two months,” OP began her story.
As for himself, he wrote: “I have a remote job with extremely versatile hours, so I have taken good care of my wife, my son, the house and my work all this time.”
With the familiar scenario established, the anonymous writer got to the heart of his frustration. “These days, my wife is becoming more and more ‘needy’, she asks questions that can be time consuming or asks me questions that can simply be distractions, like going to the store for ice cream, changing my pillows, going to play with the child like I normally do,” he said.
She started crying and called me an idiot, then called her mother and father who arrived and caught her calling me an idiot too
OP then explained why these things are a problem, adding, “I requested her to let me work because I was currently not filling my quota of 8 hours a day due to all the things she asks me to do, in addition to my work, in addition to cooking, as well as taking good care of the child.”
The day he finally took to Reddit, OP said the final straw came during an hour-long meeting where he asked her “loudly, please don’t bother him.” “But somehow she managed to generate a brief circuit that fried the bedroom TV, panicked, and made my son panic and start bleeding from the stress,” he wrote.
He explained that the action occurred because his wife “plugged in an electric mosquito swatter and spilled water while it was on.”
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“I had to do the meeting and got reprimanded at my job, had to check what else was broken, calmed my son down and cleaned up my wife,” he wrote. “I am the only breadwinner in the house and money is tight, I was worried about losing our main source of income and I shouted at her.”
According to OP, he “asked her what her problem was and why she had to make my life so difficult. She started crying and called me an idiot, then she called me mom and dad who arrived and caught her calling me an idiot too.
“I understand that being pregnant is difficult and the high risk of being pregnant is more difficult, but I only asked for 1 hour so I wouldn’t be inconvenienced, was that too much to ask?” OP requested Redditors. “Am I the idiot?”
With the full complexity of the couple’s scenario exposed, the top-rated post decided that no one is the idiot in this scenario. Instead, “It’s a very aggravating situation for all of you,” they noted, especially if the family’s insurance is tied to the OP’s job.
After they asked if they could get help with baby care, OP commented, “I asked her mom and dad, but they were ‘busy’ (until tonight, I think), my mom and dad are very far away. , so I was alone.” This didn’t sit well with some Redditors, who began speculating about the wife’s parents.
“Frankly, it seems like the parents are ‘proving’ that OP is nasty because they never appreciated him or something,” one speculated wildly. “How else can you allow your daughter to become pregnant in excessive danger in such an aggravating family environment and be very busy to help in any way?”
If you are not prepared for this, let her parents take care of her and prepare for the divorce
With everyone turning against the parents, one commenter thought, “Why is everyone assuming the in-laws are retired and stay home all day? It’s quite possible that the OP’s in-laws are in their 50s and have their own jobs. OP responded to confirm that they are both, in fact, retired, “but my FIL is 73 and my MIL is 68. So they are not the most active and prepared people in the world.”
“Let’s take a look at the laws,” commented one Redditor. “They can drop everything when OP and their spouse argue, BUT don’t take ANY time to come back/watch the kid for an hour/get ice cream for their spouse? OP is about to lose her job because her spouse can’t wait/by law can’t be bothered to help until now.
Another commenter suggested that perhaps the wife going to her parents’ house would help everyone in the short space of time, writing, “Let her stay there for a WEEK! Everyone will have a much-desired break”… especially if the grandparents also took the couple’s other child.
One commenter revealed the love, agreeing that it’s a more aggravating situation than anyone being wrong. “I’m saying ‘aggravating’ not because it’s anyone’s fault, but the circumstances are just not good from beginning to end. Being a mattress sucks,” they wrote. “Being financially responsible for a complete family, alone, sucks. Being a janitor without a pardon sucks.
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However, there were those who questioned the extent of the wife’s interruptions to her husband during working hours. “Just because she could be doing these things herself if she weren’t on bed rest doesn’t mean these things are important enough to get in the way of his WORK, the only source of income for the entire family,” they wrote. “Interrupting your husband’s work because she needs ice cream? Get out of here.
OP explained that his frustration stemmed from his wife not wanting the fly swatter in this case, so it was more a matter of her boredom impacting her ability to work. “She was bored and was rooting around in bed (to see) what she could do from there,” he wrote.
“Lastly, I’m not sure where you live, but TVs are expensive here, so I lost a television that I won’t be able to replace in months,” he continued. “And because it was his source of leisure, guess who will have extra time to think about issues to waste my time on.”
This line caused one Redditor to comment, “Oh, damn, OP. I don’t know what’s going on, but you need more help than Reddit can give you. As a result of this, there may be resentment and you should deal with it as soon as possible.
Interrupting your husband’s work because you need ice cream? Get out of here
But not everyone had sympathy for OP, instead they gave their full support to his bedridden, pregnant wife.
“She is risking her life to give you a baby,” one of them emphasized. “You need more child care if doing all your work, making sure your spouse is comfortable, and caring for your child is too much. Or maybe to work in the office while someone sits with her and the child. She’s asking for little things like changing the pillows (which takes about 60 seconds) and for you to interact with your child…if you’re not up for that, let her parents take care of her and get her together for the divorce. ”
OP responded to this one, saying that “it makes me laugh that everyone always gets divorced in a heartbeat after having an inconvenience.” He noted that it’s not about all the individual factors, but “the accumulation of 100 little things throughout the day.” He also reiterated the limited financial situation, saying hiring someone to help is not an option.
Someone noted that they were leaning toward OP being TA, but the story about how she impacted a play assembly made them rethink. “The situation has clearly reached a point where it is truly impacting your ability to provide something for your family,” they wrote.
“I would apologize for responding like you did, but still talk about what kind of help she needs, what you can do for her while balancing your own projects, and what she can/should outsource to other families/partners.”
What do you suppose?