At 34, Kate Giordano struggles to balance work and family life: this includes a husband, a newborn and two parents with dementia. It’s nothing special. She is probably a typical representative of the so-called Sandwich generation.
The Wall Street Journal presents in an extensive report the challenges faced by those who belong to this group. The term Sandwich Generation does not refer to a specific generation, such as Generation Z or Millennials. It has been used since 1981 to describe middle-aged people who are called upon to support both their own children and their parents and are therefore caught as content… sandwiched between two generations. They are usually between 35 and 50 years old, although they can be a little younger or a little older.
It is not a new phenomenon. But these days, double grooming doesn’t just require time and effort. It’s something extremely expensive. A 40-year-old who has to contribute $1,500 a month to support his aging parents for five years will lose more than $1 million in his own retirement savings, calculated Steve Wagner of Northern Trust Wealth Management.
“It’s incredibly expensive to manage the longevity we’ve created,” demographer Bradley Shurman told the WSJ, who says the demands of caring for older generations could lead more middle-aged people to decide to retire. This mainly concerns women, but not only. “It is a huge risk for economies and productivity”, he warns.
Career goals on hold
Until a few years ago, the typical sandwich caregiver was a woman, between 45 and 50 years old, with teenage children and perhaps a part-time job. Now, according to a 2023 AARP report, the average age of these caregivers is 44, and a growing percentage are men. Almost a third are millennials and representatives of Generation Z. They are in the critical early to mid-career stage and 3/4 of them work, if not full-time, at least part-time.
Diana Fuller, 49, says caring exclusively for her 83-year-old mother for more than four years has been stressful. Now, her mother lives in a nearby memory care center, which costs…$10,000 a month. The mother had good insurance, which covered 75% of the value, with the remainder covered by her savings. She’s lucky. Not everyone has this financial comfort.
The feeling that…everything is going to explode
But even so, care is a challenge. As she explains, she put her career goals on the back burner, such as strengthening the business she founded with her sister. She missed moments like her 9-year-old son’s school concert last year due to her mother’s frequent hospitalizations. Her husband takes on many of the childcare duties when her mother is in the hospital. Still, he says, “it often feels like everything is going to explode.”
Financial pressures are also increasing for the sandwich generation. According to a Care.com survey of 2,000 parents, 60 percent of U.S. families spent 20 percent or more of their annual household income on child care last year, up from 51 percent in 2021. Meanwhile, the Average cost for a home nursing aide rose 10% last year to $75,500, according to data from long-term insurer Genworth Financial.
Suppressing your own needs
More than half reported in a 2023 New York Life survey that they sacrificed their own financial security to care for their parents in addition to their children. Many in the Sandwich generation say they feel torn between the needs of their children and their parents. Liam Davitt and his wife Lisa Fells recently moved from their Washington, D.C., apartment to suburban New Jersey so their 7-year-old son could be closer to his cousins and attend a good public school.
This means they have been removed from their 84-year-old mother, who lives in an independent living community. Long distance made it more complicated to get help, even for small things like troubleshooting your cell phone.
An avid runner, he says he increasingly worries about falling. There is fear that he will not be able to take care of his family – young and old. “If I suddenly have less mobility, I will place a greater burden on my family,” he says. He adds that he plans to bring his mother closer.
The Giordanos also made adjustments. With the newborn keeping them busy, they installed cameras and doorbells to help monitor Kate’s parents. The couple works opposite shifts. Tamrin is always a morning person. When he returns from work, he holds the baby, also making sure that his in-laws eat something and take their medicine. Kate has her own business – she is a hairdresser. When asked if they want to have a second child, she responds, “We would definitely need more help. We’ll probably have to wait. We’re living a lot right now.”