A woman admits to being in crisis after her boyfriend tells her he knows she has a positive attitude towards her because, after they started their relationship, he slept with women of different sizes to ensure he would be satisfied with her.
In fact, it can also be the best coverage, but is there such a thing as too much of it? One girl is wondering just what after her boyfriend’s attempts to “reassure her” left her feeling something, however.
The unnamed girl took to Reddit’s Relationship Recommendations discussion board with her story after her boyfriend’s revelation about what he did early on in their relationship sent her “into a spiral”, with him even saying he “probably should have kept it to himself”.
Read on to find out what he was trying to say and how it made it into the OP (“Original Poster”).
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Trying on body sizes
The 29-year-old, who describes herself as “plus-size,” began her story by explaining that her 30-year-old boyfriend is “very fit, muscular and much thinner than me.” However, she also emphasized, “I never compared our sizes until he made that comment.”
The aforementioned comment came after they “got intimate and were just cuddling and talking about something and stuff,” according to the OP. She goes on to say that her boyfriend “was talking about how he’s sure about me and has been daydreaming about our future.”
“After that, to ‘reassure’ me that he had a positive opinion of me, he mentioned that when he first started falling for me (pretty early on, possibly on the second or third date?), he slept with every smaller and larger woman he met to ensure he would be ‘satisfied with me,’” the OP wrote.
She went on to add: “I’m assuming these women are previous sexual partners, but I haven’t asked because I honestly don’t need to know.”
It started out as something like, “Yes, kid, I can have anyone, but I’m willing to take you.”
His comment left the OP “perplexed and I’ve been thinking about it a lot since he mentioned it.” She mentioned that she “almost immediately started crying and he apologized and mentioned that he probably should have kept it to himself.”
OP clarified that she is not upset about him sleeping with other women, as they had not yet spoken about the relationship at that time.
“I just feel like if I was smaller than him, he wouldn’t even have felt the need to do this, let alone inform me about it as if I should be grateful?” she wrote. “I wish it came across as a ‘yes kid, I can have anyone, but I’m willing to take you.’”
She went on to acknowledge that she’s “probably overthinking this,” but doesn’t like the way it’s making her feel. “I’ve just worked really hard to be comfortable in my own skin after years of self-hatred and drinking issues and I feel like I’m back in that headspace again now because of an offhand comment.”
She summed up the experience in her headline, explaining — with quotation marks suggesting this was his phrasing — that he “tried on” completely different body sizes to ensure he would be happy settling down with her, leaving her wondering, “How do I get over this?”
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‘Sinister’ or ‘Stupidity’
The first thing OP did was jump back to her single post with an edit to make it clear that this isn’t about her physique. “I don’t want weight loss advice, thanks, that’s not why I’m here,” she wrote, dismissing everyone who avoided her question entirely to focus on her measurements.
“I really like my physical self because it’s still here, alive, carrying me through a lovely world and a life that I’m learning to truly love and want to be here for,” she wrote. “It’s completely normal that I want to be loved for myself, not for a part of me, and I hope you all want that for yourselves too. ♥️”
With that out of the way, there were plenty of commenters who addressed the issue more immediately, though perhaps none as immediately as one consumer who wrote: “I honestly can’t think of saying something like that to anyone. Like… ‘Well, I’ve tried guys with bigger dicks and smaller dicks, just in case I wasn’t happy with you, but I’ve found you to be a wonderfully acceptable size and shape. I guess I wasn’t that positive at first.’ Seriously?”
It seems like he wants her to be grateful that he is with her.
OP admitted that she briefly considered responding with, “Well, I’m bisexual and I didn’t feel the need to sleep with a girl to make sure I’d be happy with you,” but chose not to because “that’s too hurtful and then he’d spend the rest of our relationship wondering if I’d be happier with a girl or if I’d cheat on him with one.”
Phrases like “weird” and “bizarre” were also thrown at the boyfriend for even conducting this little experiment. “Fucking weird Op,” one Redditor commented. “Sleeping with different people to make sure he can be satisfied with you can be very, very unusual, after he tells you about it it’s kind of cruel too. Are you sure you’re seeing this guy forever? This can’t be the first red flag so far.”
Another read about her boyfriend sharing this with her, including: “He seems to want her to be grateful that he’s with her, as if he’s doing her a favor, he doesn’t seem like a nice person, he’s deliberately undermining her confidence.”
“Bro really handled women like he was at a wine tasting ag–damn,” another consumer wrote. Another wondered what would happen if the OP’s measurement was changed. “If she loses or gains weight he’ll just have to go through the motions again to determine if he’d be happy with her changes!” they wrote.
One commenter shared that she’s in an analogous scenario to the OP, writing, “I learned this from my husband. We were both touched by this. He was outraged for you. He thinks your boyfriend is extremely shallow and unforgiving. He told me he knew he loved me. Time out.”
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“We both really felt the same way. Trying other women while we were in a relationship with you, to see if he had the ability to stand up to a curvy queen? That’s kind of disheveled. You didn’t deserve that at all,” she continued. “Are you willing to accept someone who feels superior to you? Someone who doubted his potential to like you?”
As for sharing his initial experimentation with his girlfriend, Redditors have been of two minds. Was it “creepy” or “stupid?”
“Considering the OP has a history of ED, it’s apparently not weird… it’s intentional,” one speculated. “It probably didn’t even happen. He could just be trying to trigger the ED and made something up. The amount of OPs who post here and it’s actually their boyfriends trying to trigger their ED and the OPs don’t see it… it’s scary. These guys always know what they’re doing, they’re not stupid.”
Another countered, however, that it may well be a lot less complicated. “It’s also for much less sinister reasons and he’s just plain stupid,” they countered. “‘I’m going to show her that I really like her size but tell her regardless of whether I have a choice, I chose her.’ If I’m wrong and it’s really sinister, then he can go f–k himself. I just feel like some guys’ stupidity is overlooked.”
One man even took this opportunity personally, writing: “That. I’m silly. I brought up issues thinking I was just being logical and it made sense to me… little did I know I was being an offensive sycophant, not thinking of all the angles my words could be taken from.”
The guy really treated women like he was at a wine tasting.
A nuanced response that got the OP’s consideration began, “The tricky part is that all the work you’ve done, he hasn’t done. So while I’m sure he loves you completely, he probably doesn’t really understand the nuances of fatphobia, what it’s like to be socialized as a girl and be treated by the general public as a big girl, and so on. He might realize it was so f–ked up to tell you this, but it seems like he doesn’t realize why it was so f–ked up to do it.” This person asked the OP to take some space while he “does some self-education on these issues.”
“Thank you, that’s probably the most intentional and thoughtful comment yet,” the OP responded. “We’re actually very pleased and I feel very loved and appreciated by him, this was so overlooked in terms of what our relationship is like.”
“You’re right, he doesn’t get the emotional context behind how I’m feeling about this,” she continued. “I’m going to take the time to properly elucidate and have him do a little soul-searching and some soul-searching. After that, what he chooses to do from there will inform me how these types of conditions are likely to be treated sooner or later and whether he’s willing to do the work for/with me. Thank you.”
Perhaps the easiest way to sum up this preliminary gut response to the OP’s post was one commenter who wrote, “Is that… him… what…?” To which another responded, “Couldn’t have said it better myself. 😂”
What do you think?