“I really feel ugly. I’m heartbroken. I really feel alone and like I have no one to talk to,” the girl says, after asking her husband a question she clearly wasn’t ready for him to answer.
A woman found herself questioning her relationship just three weeks before her wedding after her husband told her she was simply “not his type.”
Taking to Reddit’s Dating Recommendations Discussion ForumThe unnamed creator was met with responses to run for the hills… and never to the altar… after sharing her story. Others, however, thought OP (aka “Single Poster”) is probably jumping to conclusions.
Read on to see how it all happened.
Reality hurts
“My fiancé informed me (31 F) that I’m not his type (30 M). We’re getting married in 3 weeks. How can I move forward?” OP asked at the top of her post.
She went on to elucidate that she is a 31-year-old woman whose 30-year-old fiancé popped the question almost a year ago, after nearly 10 years of dating. Their wedding is just a few weeks away, with the OP saying she wanted a quick engagement “because I really feel like I’m getting older and I didn’t want to look old in my wedding photos.”
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The 26-year-old shared that she was “very into my appearance” before walking down the aisle, saying she lost weight, toned her body and has been “feeling really good about myself and the way I look” after more trips to the gym.
“A few weeks ago, out of curiosity, I asked my fiancé if he had a type because I had seen someone ask that on a TV show and realized I had never asked him before and was curious. He told me that I was his type and that he thinks I’m adorable and loves me,” she shared.
However, a few weeks later, he changed his mind.
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After watching a TV show together, he began telling her that she should get a sleeve tattoo like one of the characters in the series — before “he started acting all weird and whenever the character did something I disagreed with, he would defend her.” She added that him playing “Satan’s advocate” wasn’t actually anything new, though she admitted to feeling “really upset” whenever he does it “because I don’t really feel like my opinion is being heard.”
When she then asked him if he found the girl from the TV show attractive, “he said he was sure he liked her aesthetic and then went on to talk about a bunch of things he liked about her that were the opposite of my looks (blonde hair, blue eyes, lots of tattoos, and a rock and roll kind of girl vibe).” He then went on to specifically say that she was his type, now that he had time to think about the answer to her earlier question.
“I asked him if I was his type and he said no, but he still thinks I’m beautiful and he loves me,” she added.
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“The cherry on top is that his ex before me had this type of appearance, after I mentioned it he said that personality is important to him too, and he or she didn’t have a great personality,” OP continued. “I’m not sure what to do because my spirit is completely destroyed. I feel ugly. I’m heartbroken. I feel alone and like I have no one to talk to.”
In a variety of edits to her one-off post — to clarify and respond to some of the comments — the author stated that her man is “very” attracted to her and “doesn’t want to back out” of marriage. She also added that she hasn’t “nagged” him about getting married and “never cared or wanted a big spectacle of it.”
Run or hold?
Many Redditors used this opportunity to tell the OP to run for the hills. Probably the most upvoted comment was a social media user calling the OP’s fiancé’s dialogue “self-sabotage” before giving them the benefit of the doubt.
“I might actually ask him what he expected to come of this dialogue and revelation and how you would expect to proceed as you did. It seems like total self-sabotage on his part that he is basically begging for the wedding to be called off, certainly,” they wrote before adding that “possibly he really is just lacking empathy.”
“He probably likes to be aggressive, contrarian, making you feel acutely self-conscious. It seems like there’s clearly been a working theme where he deliberately puts himself at a disadvantage with you and you always end up feeling upset or defeated. I can see this as a continuation of that development.” The consumer goes on to warn the OP to “be careful.”
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Meanwhile, another was brief and… not so sweet.
“You bought this gift before you got married. Use it wisely,” one customer wrote in a comment that received more than 1,600 upvotes. Another left an identical message: “Ten freaking years and he tells you this after proposing and three weeks before the wedding. OMG this is not going to end well. I hope you rethink this wedding ceremony.”
“Don’t marry someone who isn’t your best friend and your closest confidant,” added another, warning the OP to avoid marrying that particular person.
Another tried to get the OP to deal with what really matters in relationships.
“If I were you, I would be a lot less involved with his superficial typecasting and a lot more involved with his fun of playing devil’s advocate. This is going to get really old really fast,” they began. “You also seem to be very focused on your appearance, you don’t want to look old-fashioned on set, you’ve been working so hard to look good, you’re feeling confident mostly based on your looks. It seems like you put all your value into your looks.”
However, another had an eerily similar situation that did not end well for him.
“Don’t marry him,” warned the Reddit user. “My husband didn’t let me know I wasn’t a good person until after we were married. I spent 13 years feeling bad about myself and the previous 2 realizing what he thinks doesn’t matter. We’re getting divorced, it’s hell.”
But it certainly wasn’t all warnings, with some saying it’s actually not a big deal. “My type is tall and dark, my husband doesn’t suit that type of guy,” one commenter wrote. “All his girlfriends before me were short and blonde, and I’m not either. So what???”
Another commenter agreed, writing: “My type is punk rock guys with tattoos and messy hair, I will always be attracted to that, and my husband does not suit that look. And I would never in a million years consider myself sad or looking for anything else, because a strong relationship has 1000 different factors that come together to make it work. And looks are 1.”
“Not being someone’s “type” is nothing. It doesn’t matter. A person can fall in love and find someone unimaginable who is not their “type” just plain weird,” another commenter added. “What matters is if they’re making you feel ugly, or inferior, or something. *That* is a problem.”
What do you think?
