One person’s patriotic swimsuit has his “embarrassed” girlfriend calling the outfit “disgusting, revealing and unattractive,” sparking a critical debate online… and a reminder of how “worse” the scenario could have been.
A fun time at a friend’s pool party turned into a long night of arguments. After an unnamed man was told he had been “shaming” his girlfriend all day, he took to Reddit to see if his patriotism was a little excessive.
Sharing his story on the popular discussion forum AITA (“Am I the A–hole”), the OP (also known as “the original poster”) shared two stories that he found quite similar — one, his response to what his girlfriend was wearing to an event, and the other, her response to his choice.
If he was looking for a clear consensus from the network’s discussion forum, he was undoubtedly in the wrong place (and probably the wrong nation). Instead, the answer was all over the place. There were some who sided with him, some who sided with his girlfriend… and some who were having nothing to do with either of them!
Read on to find out exactly what happened.
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OP began his story by sharing that he, 28, and his girlfriend, 27, have been dating for 18 months. He said that while they don’t normally fight, this instance was the biggest one yet. As he described it, the fight occurred earlier this year “when I questioned what she wanted to wear to the groom’s dinner at my friend’s wedding ceremony.”
“I was in the wedding party and we spent the whole day getting ready for the wedding. The groom’s dinner was that night and it was going to be a very informal affair as everyone was sweaty and exhausted from working all day,” he explained. “My girlfriend arrived later that day and asked me if I could meet her at our hotel so she could change.”
He stated that at the lodge, she wore “a reasonably fancy dress, like a cocktail dress she would wear to a club.” OP told her it was an impromptu dinner “since everyone had been working all day and people weren’t going to dress up.” He stated that his girlfriend “scolded me and told me I can’t tell her what to wear. She said she’ll give me a pass on that one time, but I should never criticize or question what she wants to wear again.”
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“I gave in, but when we got to dinner and she realized how well dressed she was, she was embarrassed, even though people commented on how good she looked,” OP added.
All of this was to set up the triggering incident that led him to Reddit and AITA. “Last weekend, we were invited to a pool party at my girlfriend’s friend’s house. Since it was close to the 4th of July, I decided to take off my American flag swim trunks that I got in school as a joke. I was trying them on before we left to make sure they were still good and my girlfriend saw me,” he wrote. “She asked me WTF I was wearing and told me I couldn’t wear them. I asked her why not and she told me they were gross, revealing and unattractive.”
“I told her the same thing she told me at the wedding, that she couldn’t tell me what to wear,” he countered. “She told me it’s not the same scenario at all and that I would make a fool of myself. I told her if I’m wearing these swim trunks, I clearly don’t take myself seriously.” He even said he would “bring an extra swimsuit if she was going to make a big deal about it.”
She told me it was disgusting, revealing and unattractive.
At the date, the Speedo “got some laughs from my girlfriend’s friends,” after which the OP claimed he started playing pool volleyball with other guys and “just kept having fun throughout the day.” On the other hand, his girlfriend “spent most of the day alone or with a few friends, she barely left the pool.”
He claimed she walked out on one level, “pulled me away and asked me to please change my swim trunks because I was embarrassing her. I told her she’s the one making a big deal out of it and that if I’m in the pool, no one notices or cares anyway.”
Later that night, OP stated that his girlfriend “asked me if I was going to apologize to her.” He responded, “I really don’t feel like I have anything to apologize for and she told me that I embarrassed her all day, even after she told me to take my swim trunks off. I told her she should lighten up because she’s making a big deal out of a funny joke, but she thinks I’m an AH.”
So he needs to know: “AITA For wearing American flag swim trunks to a pool party and embarrassing my girlfriend“
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As you might think, the responses were all over the place on this, with some no doubt being a response to the more conservative American stance on what is acceptable in men’s swimwear. However, there were many who had points on both sides, regardless of their swimwear.
There were definitely many who sided with the OP. “She’s trying to control what you wear. You were right to shut her down, similar to how she would have done if you tried to stop her from going overdressed for an occasion and were told to kick rocks,” argued one. “She won’t be able to tell you that you can’t control her wardrobe and then turn around and do the exact same thing to you.”
Others chimed in to qualify that the conditions weren’t exactly apples to apples, with one individual noting, “OP wasn’t trying to control what she wore in the first incident. He gave her data so she could make an informed choice and the girlfriend overreacted.” Another agreed, adding, “Right? He didn’t tell her NOT to wear it. He didn’t say it would embarrass him. His concern was for her because he knew she could be much better dressed than everyone else.”
“In contrast, at the pool party, the girlfriend referred to the swimsuit as ‘gross, revealing, and unattractive,’” another Redditor commented. “She didn’t seem concerned about the OP’s comfort level. Does she even like her boyfriend?” One individual speculated, “Imagine if the OP had described the girlfriend’s dress as ‘gross, revealing, and unattractive.’”
You were at her friend’s house and wore something disgusting to create a comedic effect.
Several commenters took aim at the girlfriend, with one individual writing, “Informing someone about the dress code is definitely a kind thing to do – and it sounds like she was mean about it and then embarrassed! I could have said, ‘oh, thanks for letting me know!’ and saved the cocktail dress for another time. Then she’s mean and controlling about the swimsuit. Then she ruins the day because of it.”
They concluded that OP wasn’t at fault here, “but her girlfriend just seems mean. That’s when these things come out. Think about being married to someone who treats you like one. It’s not like she’s going to get any nicer. This is her best behavior right now.”
There were some who found the issue with how her boyfriend handled the whole scenario, too, noting that he had written that he would pass on a one-piece swimsuit if she was going to make such a big deal about it — which she clearly was… and he clearly didn’t. “He may have gotten the attention he wanted and then moved on, but no,” one reader wrote. “He may not be a jerk, but he does have jerk tendencies.”
That said, there were those who defended the girlfriend’s approach to her boyfriend in the tight swimsuit. “My man is hot and I find him irresistible when he’s naked or walking around in his underwear, but there’s something that’s just off-putting to me about speedos,” one commented. “The sexiest man alive can wear a speedo and it can be turned off, to be honest.”
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Another saw this as OP getting revenge on his girlfriend for the way she handled him with the party dress, calling each of them out for their “tit-for-tat behavior.” They wrote, “Instead of talking s–t, they just do whatever they want to do when they figure out perfectly well that it’s upsetting the other person… He used the opportunity to get back at her, and in doing so, he simply stooped to her level. If her behavior was flawed before, then him doing the same thing is flawed too.”
“She set the standard that they have no say in what each other wears. She was clear about that,” one Redditor countered. “I hardly think it’s fair to call her partner’s adherence to her usual standards antagonistic. Maybe he wanted to rock his swimsuit at a pool party where it fits the theme. It makes sense that he didn’t decide that she could forbid him from wearing it, given the past.”
While some admitted that a Speedo wouldn’t be their thing, they still didn’t see why it was embarrassing for their girlfriend. One commenter wrote: “Swifts are just disgusting in my opinion. See that? My opinion. I really don’t care what you do. It’s none of my business.” Another marveled at the outrage, adding: “It’s not like he’s using a trash bag as a diaper. That’s a serviceable and acceptable traditional swimsuit he was wearing.”
When one commenter was told that he was showing his bias by being anti-swimsuit, another responded, “It’s not bias. It’s cultural norms. Wearing swim trunks to a 4th of July party in most places in the US is outside the cultural norm.”
“I disagree that wearing swim trunks to a pool party is an external cultural norm. I actually see it every year, I don’t wear one myself. Not to mention you don’t see people calling it gross every other year when they watch the Olympics,” one Redditor responded. “And ignoring all of this, just because it’s a ‘cultural norm’ doesn’t mean it’s not bigoted.”
She established the custom that they have no say in what each other wears.
However, OP wasn’t going to get off so easily. “You were at her friend’s house and wore something disgusting for comedic effect. She said it would embarrass her and she did,” one commenter wrote. “She, on the other hand, overdressed for a dinner party once. It wasn’t weird, inappropriate or embarrassing. In fact, she went out of her way to not embarrass you.”
However, another reader echoed this sentiment, adding: “Being respectfully but slightly overdressed is very different from wearing a pair of Speedos initially purchased ‘as a joke.’ What if she wore something grossly revealing to the groom’s dinner?”
The repeated use of the phrase “gross” angered one commenter enough to ask, “How is a speedo more gross than a bikini?” One reply attempted to clarify: “That’s determined by where you live, but in much of the US a man wearing a speedo is equal to a woman wearing a thong and stickers over her nipples… It’s a cultural thing, and OP expressed her embarrassment appropriately.” To this, the sole commenter simply responded, “Oh, so just for sexist prudes, it’s worse, you know 👍🏻”
“I think this is pretty funny. My son has one of those swim trunks with the ‘American flag’ on it,” one Redditor wrote. “Can’t say I’m his biggest fan… but considering he also has one that has Burger King branding on the back and the words ‘Home of the Whopper’ on the front, keep telling your (girlfriend) ‘Hey, it could be worse.’”
What do you think?