An anonymous girl is turning to Reddit’s AITA discussion board for recommendations as she plans a baby shower — after discovering on social media that her pregnant stepdaughter secretly got married a few days ago without telling her or her father.
A girl appears to be at her wits end with frustration and uncertainty as she turns to the internet for advice on what to do to bathe a baby she has already invested deeply in.
OP (aka “the sole author of the post”) shared her story on Reddit’s popular AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, detailing how a last-minute discovery that she and her husband hadn’t been celebrated as a major life milestone made her consider canceling the next one.
Read on to find out what happened.
Getty
Spouse is accused of having “one foot out the door” of marriage after revealing “contingency plan”
See story
The angry mother begins her story by establishing the fundamental background of the scenario—how she simply realized. “My stepdaughter, 22, is pregnant with her first child, a boy. She and her now husband just got married 2 days ago,” she wrote, adding, “That’s the rub.”
She went on to clarify, “These two have been quite. Jump home, couch surf and help the state, especially since this man can’t get a job other than gig providers (doordash and many others). We (her father and I) had to give them money and supplies a few times, until the reason we finally wanted to inform them that we would not help two families.”
If not even her father is suitable to be informed that his baby is getting married, then my money is not enough for this party.
After sharing how her family supported her stepdaughter and her boyfriend, she dropped the bombshell that hit her so hard. “We saw on social media 2 days ago that they got married. Apparently his mother put things together. Her father didn’t receive messages, calls or anything like that. She had no one in her house there. Simply his.
“Now. This is where I could be a TA too,” OP wrote. “It was anticipated that I would have a baby shower for her. I had everything planned and purchased. However, I really feel that if even her father is not fit to be told that his baby was getting married, then my money is not fit for this party.”
She continued that although she has help with this decision, she is still hesitating a little – thus turning to the Internet. “My husband, my family, and my mother in law are telling me to cancel,” she wrote.
“Reddit….. WIBTA (“Would I be the idiot”) if I canceled the shower? she asked.
Getty
Man attacks bedridden pregnant wife for making his life ‘more difficult than it should be’
View story
Predictably, Redditors had a lot of questions about this, with the OP more than eager to offer what he knew. In any case, she hasn’t turned off this baby’s shower yet — but she is that close to doing it!
One identified how strange it was that the groom’s family not only knew about the wedding ceremony, but attended. To this, OP agreed: “It was bizarre. She swears it was an unplanned stimulus from the second factor, but (there were) many, many indicators that it was deliberate right up front. This whole scenario is confusing. She said she didn’t even have time to call anyone.”
Another individual supported the OP’s intuition with their own personal experience. “I once organized a wedding party in less than 24 hours for a friend. This was before smartphones and texting, EVERYONE was notified and invited to my small abode for cake and champagne after the courthouse ceremony,” they wrote. “The OP was intentionally left out.”
Another commenter asked if they should confront the newlyweds about why the bride and her new husband “did something that hurt her father and you so much?”
The fact that she lies and criticizes you frequently is not a relationship.
“We did, but we haven’t heard back. She just doesn’t think it’s a big deal,” the OP replied. “I think they find it funny to some extent. It could be a management issue. For us, if she didn’t need us there, it’s fine. But her father shouldn’t have been on social media. Her whole family wasn’t informed. Just his.”
“Finding out about this on social media can be a real gut punch,” one Redditor agreed, suggesting the OP “cancel the baby shower. However, tell her very clearly why you’re doing this. That even though you’ve supported her and her husband for so long, she thinks it’s okay to act like you’re not her family. So why do you have to keep supporting her and doing things for her?”
Support for the couple was a point of contention for some commenters, who highlighted the OP’s observation that she and her husband had recently told their stepdaughter that they could no longer support two families.
“To me it seems like she was punishing you and her father for saying you are no longer funding them (which is ridiculous because they are adults and need to fund themselves, especially with a child coming!),” he wrote. a specific person.
“You’ve already told them you can’t help them, but now you’re contributing to a party for them for a kid that frankly they can’t help either,” another Redditor commented. “They don’t have a place to stay either. If you’re going to contribute funds, do it in a way that leaves them standing, and if they refuse to do so, then don’t play the sport anymore. The shower/wedding party isn’t the real issue here. It’s a lack of respect and gratitude from the kids you’ve supported for so long.”
Getty
Man Calls Son’s Mother a ‘Seat Sitter’ in His Life for Giving Recommendations: ‘Don’t Neglect Your Place’
View story
OP shared how difficult the scenario is, as she and her stepdaughter at least appear to still be close. “There is an open line of communication here,” she wrote. “We are not far apart, despite some points we mentioned with her. We talk daily, even with me giving her pregnancy advice. I would understand if we were away from her. But we just aren’t.”
However, the actual fact that she and her stepdaughter’s personal father were not noticed from the wedding completely was enough for many commenters to try to clarify that they do not appear to be close, as the OP thinks. “She got married and you got found out by SM, you’re stranded, the fact that she lies and gaslights you both frequently is not a relationship,” one wrote. “Time to cut the cord, she showed what her priorities are in life.”
It wasn’t unanimous, though, with some still supporting OP’s sentiments but recommending that she not cancel so late. “I wouldn’t advocate doing this,” one wrote. “If it’s deliberate and invites are sent out, it would simply escalate the situation and make you look dangerous.”
“I would just host the shower as intended, not do more than is expected for her. But be a great host for the rest of the family and be the bigger person.” At the same time, they also admitted, “If you don’t do that and decide to cancel, you wouldn’t be an AH at all.”
It seems like she was punishing you and her father for saying you weren’t funding them anymore.
Another advised that it would probably be “childish” to cancel because he wasn’t invited, speculating that the groom’s mother may have called the wedding and it was too rushed “and his mother didn’t bother to get any details from your daughter to ask. I would wait to hang up the phone until you talk to your stepdaughter and find out what happened.”
OP countered that argument pretty well, though. “We talked and she or he claims it was rushed and not deliberate,” she wrote, dropping another comment that her stepdaughter mentioned they didn’t even have time to call anyone. “But wedding rings, a professional photographer and a custom-made wedding dress that she says she hasn’t had in a month say otherwise. Plus, her mom put us on social media and has my cell phone number.”
But others said OP sees this as throwing the baby the bath: “It sounds like this child is going to need all the guidance, stability, and support she can get,” wrote one, while another commented, “Take the extreme road and preserve the deal with the baby. You’ll be glad you threw the bath at baby… don’t let her actions overshadow the next opportunity for engagement – with the baby.
There were even some people expressing concern that the stepdaughter’s husband might be behind this, with one asking pointedly, “Do you think he might be presumptively abusive?” To this, the OP can only respond, “I’m undecided. There is management here…but I don’t know.”
Perhaps the more typical recommendation, however, would be to let the baby’s shower go as smoothly as this “rushed” wedding ceremony apparently did. “If the other side of the family can do an ‘unplanned, last minute’ wedding ceremony… I’m pretty sure they’ll do the same thing for a baby shower,” they advised. “Wish them well and wash your hands of it.”
One individual couldn’t contain their emotions, writing in all caps: “CANCEL IT! CANCEL IT! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU NOT GOING TO INVITE YOUR OWN PARENTS TO YOUR OWN WEDDING AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR A BABY SHOWER!
What do you think?