An unnamed woman turns to Reddit’s AITA forum for advice as she plans a baby shower — after discovering on social media that her pregnant stepdaughter secretly got married days ago without telling her or her father.
A girl appears to be at her wit’s end with frustration and uncertainty as she turns to the internet for recommendations on what to do at a baby shower she’s already deeply involved in.
OP (aka “the sole author of the post”) shared her story on Reddit’s popular AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, detailing how a last-minute discovery that she and her husband hadn’t been celebrated as a major life milestone made her consider canceling the next one.
Read on to find out what happened.
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The angry mother begins her story by establishing the fundamental background of the scenario—how she simply realized. “My stepdaughter, 22, is pregnant with her first child, a boy. She and her now husband just got married 2 days ago,” she wrote, adding, “That’s the rub.”
She went on to clarify, “These two have been quite the handful. Hopping around the house, surfing the couch, and helping the state, especially since this man can’t get a job other than gig providers (doordash and many others). We (her father and I) have had to give them money and groceries a few times, until the reason we finally wanted to inform them that we would not be helping two families.”
If not even her father is suitable to be informed that his son is getting married, then my money is not enough for this party
After sharing how her family supported her stepdaughter and her boyfriend, she dropped the bombshell that hit her so hard. “We saw on social media 2 days ago that they got married. Apparently his mom put things together. Her dad didn’t get any messages, calls or anything like that. She didn’t have anyone at her house there. Just him.”
“Now. This is where I could be a TA too,” wrote OP. “It was anticipated that I would have a baby shower for her. I had everything planned and purchased. However, I really feel that if not even her father is suitable to be informed that his baby is getting married, then my money is not suitable for this party.”
She went on to say that although she has help with this choice, she is still a little hesitant — thus turning to the internet. “My husband, my family, and my mother-in-law are telling me to just cancel,” she wrote.
“Reddit…WIBTA (“I’d be the asshole”) if I canceled the shower?” she asked.
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As expected, Redditors had a lot of questions about this topic, with OP more than eager to provide what she knew. Anyway, she hasn’t turned off this child’s bath yet, but – as much as she is that close to doing it!
It was noted how odd it was that the groom’s family not only knew about the wedding ceremony, but also participated. To this, OP agreed: “It was bizarre. She swears it was an unplanned prompt from the second thing, but (there were) many, many signs that it was planned well in advance. The whole scenario is confusing. She mentioned that she didn’t even have time to name anyone.”
Someone else backed up OP’s intuition with their own personal experience. “I once organized a wedding party in less than 24 hours for a friend. This was before smartphones and texting, EVERYONE was notified and invited to my little house for cake and champagne after the at-home ceremony at the courthouse,” they wrote. “OP was intentionally deleted.”
Another commenter asked if they should confront the newlyweds about why the bride and her new husband “did something that hurt her father and you so much?”
The truth is that she lies and manipulates you frequently, which is not a relationship.
“We did, but we haven’t heard back. She just doesn’t think it’s a big deal,” the OP replied. “I think they find it funny to some extent. It could be a management issue. For us, if she didn’t need us there, it’s fine. But her father shouldn’t have been on social media. Her whole family wasn’t informed. Just his.”
“Finding out about this on social media can be a real gut punch,” one Redditor agreed, suggesting the OP “cancel the baby shower. However, tell her very clearly why you’re doing this. That even though you’ve supported her and her husband for so long, she thinks it’s okay to act like you’re not her family. So why do you have to keep supporting her and doing things for her?”
Support for the couple was a point of contention for some commenters, who highlighted the OP’s observation that she and her husband had recently told their stepdaughter that they could no longer support two families.
“To me it sounds like she was punishing you and her dad for saying you won’t support them anymore (which is ridiculous since they are adults and need to support themselves, especially with a child coming!),” one person wrote.
“You’ve already told them you can’t help them, but now you’re contributing to a party for them for a child who, frankly, they can’t help either,” another Redditor commented. “They also have nowhere to stay. If you’re going to contribute funds, do it in a way that gets them off their feet, and if they refuse to do so, don’t play the sport anymore. The shower/wedding party isn’t the real issue here. It’s a lack of respect and gratitude from the children you’ve supported for so long.”
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OP shared how difficult the situation is because she and her stepdaughter still seem to be close. “There is an open line of communication here,” she wrote. “We are not estranged despite some issues we have discussed with her. We talk day in and day out, even up until me giving her the pregnancy recommendation. I would notice if we were estranged from her. But we are simply not.”
However, the actual fact that she and her stepdaughter’s personal father were not noticed from the wedding completely was enough for many commenters to try to clarify that they do not appear to be close, as the OP thinks. “She got married and you got found out by SM, you’re stranded, the fact that she lies and gaslights you both frequently is not a relationship,” one wrote. “Time to cut the cord, she showed what her priorities are in life.”
It wasn’t unanimous, however, with some still agreeing with the OP’s emotions but recommending that she not cancel at such a late date. “I wouldn’t recommend doing this,” wrote one. “If it was deliberate and invitations were sent out, it would simply escalate the situation and make you look dangerous.”
“I would simply organize the shower as planned, don’t go overboard for her. But be a great host to the rest of the family and be the bigger individual.” At the same time, they also admitted, “If you don’t do this and decide to cancel, you wouldn’t be an AH at all.”
It sounds like she was punishing you and her dad for saying you weren’t funding them anymore
Another suggested it would be “childish” to cancel because he wasn’t invited, speculating that perhaps the groom’s mother planned the wedding and was too rushed “and his mother had no problem asking for any details from her daughter’s side to ask. I would keep pulling the plug until you talk to your stepdaughter and find out what happened.”
OP countered that argument pretty well, though. “We spoke and she claims it was rushed and never deliberate,” she wrote, adding another comment that her stepdaughter said they didn’t even have time to name anyone. “But wedding rings, a professional photographer and a custom-made wedding suit that she says she hasn’t had in a month says otherwise. Plus, his mom kept us on social media and has my phone number.”
However, others advised the OP to consider this like throwing the bath to the baby, “Sounds like this kid is going to want all the guidance, stability, and help she’s likely to get,” one wrote, while another commented, “Go ahead and keep the deal with the baby. You’ll be glad you threw the bath at the baby… don’t let her actions overshadow the next alternative engagement – with the baby.”
There have even been a few people who have expressed concern that the stepdaughter’s husband might somehow be behind this, with one of them asking pointedly, “Do you think he could be presumably abusive?” To this, the OP can only respond, “I’m undecided. There is management here… but I don’t know.”
Perhaps the most common recommendation, however, was to let the baby shower unfold as best as this “rushed” wedding ceremony apparently did. “If the other side of the family can pull off an ‘unplanned, last-minute’ wedding ceremony… I’m pretty sure they’ll do the same thing for a baby shower,” they advised. “Wish them well and wash your hands of it.”
One individual could not contain his emotions, writing in capital letters: “CANCEL! CANCEL! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU NOT GOING TO INVITE YOUR OWN PARENTS TO YOUR OWN WEDDING AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR A BABY SHOWER!
What do you think?