An anonymous girl is turning to Reddit’s AITA discussion board for recommendations as she plans a baby shower — after discovering on social media that her pregnant stepdaughter secretly got married a few days ago without telling her or her father.
A girl appears to be at her wits end with frustration and uncertainty as she turns to the Internet for advice on what she should do to bathe a baby she is already deeply invested in.
OP (aka “the sole author of the post”) shared her story on Reddit’s popular AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, detailing how a last-minute discovery that she and her husband hadn’t been celebrated as a major life milestone made her consider canceling the next one.
Read on to find out what happened.
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The angry mother begins her story by establishing the fundamental background of the scenario—how she simply realized. “My stepdaughter, 22, is pregnant with her first child, a boy. She and her now husband just got married 2 days ago,” she wrote, adding, “That’s the rub.”
She went on to clarify, “These 2 have been a mouthful. Hopping from house to house, couch surfing and on state aid, mostly because this man can’t get a job besides service providers (doordash and many others). We (his father and I) needed to give them money and supplies several times, to the point where we finally had to inform them that we would not help 2 families.”
If not even her father is suitable to be informed that his baby is getting married, then my money is not enough for this party.
After sharing how her family supported her stepdaughter and her boyfriend, she dropped the bombshell that hit her so hard. “We saw on social media 2 days ago that they got married. Apparently his mother put things together. Her father didn’t receive messages, calls or anything like that. She had no one in her house there. Simply his.
“Now. This is where I could be a TA too,” wrote OP. “It was anticipated that I would have a baby shower for her. I had everything planned and purchased. However, I really feel that if not even her father is suitable to be informed that his baby is getting married, then my money is not suitable for this party.”
She went on to say that although she has help with this choice, she is still a little hesitant — thus turning to the internet. “My husband, my family, and my mother-in-law are telling me to just cancel,” she wrote.
“Reddit…WIBTA (“I’d be the asshole”) if I canceled the shower?” she asked.
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As expected, Redditors had a lot of questions about this topic, with OP more than eager to provide what she knew. Anyway, she hasn’t turned off this child’s bath yet, but – as much as she is that almost doing it!
It was noted how odd it was that the groom’s family not only knew about the wedding ceremony, but also participated. To this, OP agreed: “It was bizarre. She swears it was an unplanned prompt from the second thing, but (there were) many, many signs that it was planned well in advance. The whole scenario is confusing. She mentioned that she didn’t even have time to name anyone.”
Another individual supported the OP’s intuition with their own personal experience. “I once organized a wedding party in less than 24 hours for a friend. This was before smartphones and texting, EVERYONE was notified and invited to my small abode for cake and champagne after the courthouse ceremony,” they wrote. “The OP was intentionally left out.”
Another commenter asked if they should confront the newlyweds about why the bride and her new husband “did something that hurt her father and you so much?”
The fact that she lies and criticizes you frequently is not a relationship
“We did, but we haven’t heard back. She just doesn’t think it’s a big deal,” OP replied. “I think they find it funny to some extent. It could be a management issue. For us, if she didn’t need us there, there’s no downside. However, her father shouldn’t have been on social media. Her whole family wasn’t told. Just him.”
“Finding out about this on social media can be a punch in the gut,” agreed one Redditor, suggesting that OP “cancel the baby shower. However, let her know clearly why you are doing this. Even though you’ve supported her and her husband for so long, she feels like it’s okay to act like you’re not her family. So why do you need to keep supporting and doing things for her?
Supporting the couple was a hurdle for some commenters, who pointed out to OP that she and her husband had recently instructed their stepdaughter that they could no longer support two families.
“To me it seems like she was punishing you and her dad for saying you won’t fund them anymore (which is ridiculous since they are adults and need to support themselves, especially with a child coming!),” wrote one person.
“You’ve already told them you can’t help them, but now you’re contributing to a party for them for a kid that frankly they can’t help either,” another Redditor commented. “They don’t have a place to stay either. If you’re going to contribute funds, do it in a way that leaves them standing, and if they refuse to do so, then don’t play the sport anymore. The shower/wedding party isn’t the real issue here. It’s a lack of respect and gratitude from the kids you’ve supported for so long.”
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OP shared how difficult the scenario is, as she and her stepdaughter at least appear to still be close. “There is an open line of communication here,” she wrote. “We are not far apart, despite some points we mentioned with her. We talk daily, even with me giving her pregnancy advice. I would understand if we were away from her. But we just aren’t.”
However, the actual fact that she and her stepdaughter’s personal father were not noticed from the wedding completely was enough for many commenters to try to clarify that they do not appear to be close, as the OP thinks. “She got married and you got found out by SM, you’re stranded, the fact that she lies and gaslights you both frequently is not a relationship,” one wrote. “Time to cut the cord, she showed what her priorities are in life.”
It wasn’t unanimous, though, with some still supporting OP’s sentiments but recommending that she not cancel so late. “I wouldn’t advocate doing this,” wrote one. “If it is deliberate and invitations are sent out, it would simply escalate the situation and make you appear dangerous.”
“I would just host the shower as intended, not do more than is expected for her. But be a great host for the rest of the family and be the bigger person.” At the same time, they also admitted, “If you don’t do that and decide to cancel, you wouldn’t be an AH at all.”
It sounds like she was punishing you and her father for saying you won’t fund them anymore.
Another advised that it would probably be “childish” to cancel because he wasn’t invited, speculating that possibly the groom’s mother deliberated the wedding and it was too hasty” and his mother didn’t bother to get any details from her daughter to ask. I would wait to turn it off until you talk to your stepdaughter and find out what happened.”
OP countered that argument pretty well, though. “We talked and she claims it was rushed and never deliberate,” she wrote, adding another comment that her stepdaughter said they didn’t even have time to name anyone. “But wedding rings, a professional photographer, and a custom-made wedding suit that she says she hasn’t had in a month says otherwise. Plus, his mom kept us on social media and has my phone number.”
However, others advised the OP to consider this as throwing the baby in the bath, “Sounds like this kid is going to want all the guidance, stability, and help she’s likely to get,” one wrote, while another commented, “Go ahead and keep the deal with the baby. You’ll be glad you threw the baby in the bath…don’t let her actions overshadow the next alternative engagement—with the baby.”
There were even some people expressing concern that the stepdaughter’s husband might be behind this, with one asking pointedly, “Do you think he might be presumptively abusive?” To this, the OP can only respond, “I’m undecided. There is management here…but I don’t know.”
Perhaps the most common recommendation, however, was to let the baby shower unfold as best as this “rushed” wedding ceremony apparently did. “If the other side of the family can pull off an ‘unplanned, last-minute’ wedding ceremony… I’m pretty sure they’ll do the same thing for a baby shower,” they advised. “Wish them well and wash your hands of it.”
One individual couldn’t contain their emotions, writing in all caps: “CANCEL IT! CANCEL IT! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU NOT GOING TO INVITE YOUR OWN PARENTS TO YOUR OWN WEDDING AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR A BABY SHOWER!”
What do you think?