After a woman’s accidental discovery in a bridal shop leaves her questioning her friendships, she is accused of invading their privacy – but the internet has an even harsher approach to the whole situation.
A woman turned to the internet for advice after being accused of invading her friends’ privacy.
In the story, posted on Reddit’s notoriously anonymous “Am I the A-hole” discussion board, the OP (aka the “original poster”) says she was confronted by her two close friends after she abandoned one of them. them at a bridal shop after a disturbing discovery.
Although her family assured her that she was right to leave under the circumstances, the woman now doubts her decision.
Keep reading to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.
“I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. We’re all 23, if that matters. We were roommates in high school and remained in the same city after graduation,” writes OP, who acknowledges that “although the three of us are close, I have always identified that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a very sweet friendship.
“Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I am one of the many bridesmaids,” OP continued. She then shared that since Gaby was called into work, she went alone with Shelly to look at her wedding attire. This is where things changed.
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After helping her friend pick out an outfit, OP shared, “Shelly asked me to take photos and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text message arrived from Gaby.
OP said she accidentally clicked on that message and was going to exit it when she saw an image of you on Instagram that morning. This was a personal conversation between Gaby and Shelly.
“They were both making fun of me for the face I was making and my choice of clothing. It didn’t seem like a great nature,” OP wrote, then admitting that she dug a little deeper, looking for her identity in the one-on-one chat.
She added that I am only harmed because I chose to read all these texts.
“I discovered a series of photos of myself that either myself, my boyfriend or my mother had posted, completely ripping them to shreds,” she shared. “From selfies to posed photos and even some photos of children. They also made fun of me in general for the way I spoke, wore my hair, and the way I ate. From what I can tell, this lasted at least a year.”
Calling it “youth and middle school,” OP said it “reintroduced me to a horrible place” after being bullied in middle and high school. She explained that women “all joke,” but that wasn’t it.
“I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and presented it to another employee, telling her to inform Shelly that I needed to go,” OP wrote. “I drove home and cried my eyes out.”
She said she finally opened up to Shelly about why she left later that night, sharing what she had discovered, only to have Shelly come back to her. “She criticized me for reading her own texts and said they were none of my business,” she wrote. “She also told me that I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I mentioned that I didn’t need to make a scene, but I also knew I couldn’t pretend to be happy for her.
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According to the OP. Shelly told her that these messages with Gabby were “so much fun” and the very fact that she is a bridesmaid proves that Shelly loves her. “She added that I am only harmed because I chose to read all these texts. After a while, Gaby called me to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by leaving.
OP said that although her boyfriend and mother have her back in this case and that she was right to leave, she is not so positive.
“I just want some unbiased looks,” she wrote. “Was I an idiot to look at the texts and then leave?”
Not only did the vast majority of Redditors assume that OP was definitely NTA (“not the idiot”), but they also had some pretty powerful life advice for her. “I believe I would completely abandon their lives,” wrote one, with another agreeing: “Yes. These ladies shouldn’t be friends with her.
Another suggestion was that she at least “stop participating in the wedding”. It’s one thing to make fun of someone once, jokingly, but it sounds like they’ve done it to you multiple times. And it doesn’t look like it was happy. If I were you, I wouldn’t feel bad about reading these messages, she handed the phone to you and it seems that fate took the opportunity to show them to you for what they are.
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They also noted that none of the friends, according to the OP’s original post, apologized to her, but instead turned on her. “Also find out how they are not apologizing to her for what they said, but are attacking her for reading the texts,” one wrote.
“Deny that they did anything wrong. The aggression resulting from the argument is weakening this stance. Sufferer and reverse offender,” added another. One comment accused the friends of “habitual narcissistic gaslighting strategies,” with a few others providing their collective proof.
“The patronizing part where the bride says ‘…you know I really like you because you’re my bridesmaid…’ mostly belittles the OPs feelings towards the texts, as if she just needs to make sure which is appreciated and that would solve everything. Yuck 🤢”, wrote one.
The fact that she immediately gets defensive is a pretty big sign that she really doesn’t GAF about OP’s emotions or sense of the things she reads.
Another identified another line from the OP’s original post: “Saying ‘you were sad when you tried’ implies that their behavior is okay as the OP shouldn’t have seen it so it didn’t hurt her as she wouldn’t have known. Not to say that the texts are causing the damage, but rather the act of studying them.”
One commenter shared what they thought might be a more regular response from OP’s friends, writing, “I feel like in this situation I would be terribly embarrassed if I were that friend and I hope it humiliates my smarta– and I would personally apologize for having hurt someone who I mentioned was my friend, even when at the time of writing the texts I assumed that everything was a lot of fun.
“The fact that she immediately gets defensive is a pretty big sign that she really wouldn’t GAF about OP’s feelings or perception of the things she’s learned,” they continued.
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When asked about the level of banter the three friends used to engage in, OP clarified that it went far beyond the norm, commenting: “I never had similar conversations with them and I never would. Sometimes we joke, but I only did it with the two of them right there. I would never be behind them.
The community also tried to make OP feel better about snooping through the messages by reminding her that the first one happened accidentally after Shelly gave her her phone. From then on, they assured her, “any sensible individual would have read the texts, especially with photos of her.”
Another commenter, who said they were vehemently against using each other’s phones, agreed that “under these unique circumstances,” it was justified. They noted that after unwittingly seeing their own image in chat, “checking the conversation about their own image was a very human response and never irrational or unduly invasive.”
From then on, even the search was justified, according to the commentator, because it was OP “appearing in self-defense of her emotional well-being in the context of her dedication to friendship. She was not unduly intrusive. This OP commenter’s conclusion about her friends: “You deserve better.”
What do you suppose?